hi

okay, i have no idea who reads this anymore. and i guess that would mean saying this on my blog is super super risky but i'll just have to take that chance because this is bugging the shiiiiitt out of me.

i cannot forget a guy that i have not resolved issues with.
so i can't help but feel jealous whenever aaron talks to and likes other girls.
because it just reminds me how i fucked things up with him back then
and it reminds me how much he REALLY doesn't like me at all
not even as a person.
and he thinks that i'm a terrible, fucked up girl
and i can't help but remember how i always wanted to tell him i liked him
that his smile just made my day
but i know he's right about me.
i know i don't deserve him
and i know he's going to do great things
and i can't help him at all.
because i only know how to hurt him
so i know he has every right not to like the kind of person i am.

i don't even like who i am right now.
and i'm so angry at myself
for not being better.

for not being good enough.
and i've never been able to say i'm sorry
for what i did to him
and for not being honest with how i felt.

yea. i know. i'm fucking crazy aren't i? he's not even the same boy i used to know and i'm not the same girl he used to know. but i can't forget.. i just can't forget..

and i can't stop missing it.

i miss you.

and you'll never know it...

o_O

haha maybe updating this xanga is gonna turn into an annual sort of thing. =] well at least i haven't died yet right? besides technically we're all supposed to be studying our butts off now that we're juniors right? lmao and honestly i think i'm the only one (or one of the few) who isn't actually doing that. because i'm retarded and i dunno.. i'm just being stupid -__-.

yepp, that's basically all i've gotta say haha. best wishes to everyone having hard times~
you'll definitely be better off than i will be.

woa

well i've kept myself occupied since like...last year. o_O lol... well with facebook and my other xanga and whatnot. (shut up, i know u guys know i have like a million xangii by now haha. i wonder what i should do with all of them )

yahhh, so JUNIOR YEAR. i really wanna drive >.<"

teachers are pretty interesting. i mean, there's gardner.... who sells candy, so he's cool. XD and then they're bryer, who is just funny. haha. and then there's.. semenza for sex ed. lmao....uh yea. well it's sex ed. what can u expect? lol..

and then there's tran who can compete with boueil over who can teach worse. like they're both trying so hard, but neithe rof them can get their points across, it's really amusing..  i mean, half the stuff that tran writes on the board is wrong... and then there's boueil who is completely obsessed with powerpoints and worksheets.. that don't help. unless they're made by mccaff... lmao. oh well. thank goodness it's only precalc and latin. 2 of my easier classes

and do any of u people even use xanga anymore? lol i kinda miss it. all the colors and funkiness and music and stuff. ^^" back when we all actually saw each other in school and talked to each other. not saying we don't, but it's not as easy anymore

i do believe there's a fall dance or something on friday!!! i think. ..... i think. lmao... yea cuz well... hmmm. well I THINK THERE IS ONE SO GO GAWD DAMNIT!!!!  it's only like $5 anyway and we really need fundraisers right?? RIGHT???!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

ugh, and don't be one of those idiots who say it sucks and then call other people to tell them not to come because it sucks. geez, u could at least say it sucks and call people to come so it WON'T suck so much.  ...sheesh. but yea i only think there is one. so don't yell at me when there isn't one. though i wouldn't relaly mind.. it would actually be kinda funny

chuu~